We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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