i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
