fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
