hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
