When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
