did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
