you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
