So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
