dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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