There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
