my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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