Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
