you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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