Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
