I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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