you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
