I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
