put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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