dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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