im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
