He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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