sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
