Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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