he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
