Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
