I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
