Yo dont text me then not text me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
