Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
