I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
