i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
