I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
