I'm passing your future prison.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
