What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
