You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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