im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
one might say we're banned from that church
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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