im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize