I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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