Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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