I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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