I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
