great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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