Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
