i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
