MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
