i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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