Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
