Christians are straight up FREAKS
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
