possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
