I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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