I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
