I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
