god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
