You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
