I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
