how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
